Mr. Scissorhands

Spring fever is hitting our house with a vengeance.  The lawn mower has been tuned up, the interior paint in the house is being scrutinized for touch-ups and updating, windows are being cleaned............ and my husband has started sharpening his pruning shears.  If our shrubs aren't quaking in fear, they should be.


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I learned a long time ago that while my husband is quite handy in many areas, pruning shrubs isn't one of those areas.  Years ago we were cleaning up his parents' yard after the passing of his mother and I mentioned that we might should trim a couple of the shrubs in the backyard.  Before I could say another word, he had pruning shears in-hand and was ready and raring to go.

My parents and grandparents had me trimming bushes and plants from the time I learned not to run with a pair of scissors in my hands.  Thinking yard work was a normal part of adolescence, I figured everyone in their 20's had learned how to trim a shrub.  Judging by my husband's enthusiasm, I made the incorrect assumption he had experience in this area....... and yes, this is another one of those cases of how the word "assume" can get you in trouble.

I pointed to a large shrub and told him to "trim it up a little", and then proceeded to work on the several I had chosen.  After a good 30 minutes of working on the shrubs I had chosen, I turned to look at the 5 foot tall bank of shrubs my husband had been working on.  My jaw hit the ground.

The mayhem that had been committed upon the first of these poor hapless shrubs was akin to murder.  That once tall and very full shrub was now maybe 18 inches tall and shaped in a perfect ball.  If it had been painted black and white, it would've been mistaken for a soccer ball.

He saw my look of dumb-founded horror and replied "I couldn't get it even so I kept trimming until I did".  You know, I think that's the same phrase he used when he decided to start cutting his own hair a few years back.  That first time I saw his perfectly shaved head, devoid of even a single strand of hair, he said "I couldn't get it even so I kept trimming until I did.".............

"Well," I replied "I guess it won't be hard for anyone to walk past now............. so long as they don't trip over it in the dark.".  Since then he has been banned from using pruning shears, which hasn't stopped him from buying several hedge-trimmers............. of which he promptly shears the extension cord before he can do any real damage to any of our shrubs...........