The BIG! Kitchen Renovation Reveal!!

The first time we toured the house with our realtor, we knew the house was going to be a huge renovation project. The previous homeowner's taste and ours were on opposite ends of the spectrum. Deeply opposite ends of the spectrum. It took us walking through the home multiple times before we could get past the cosmetic aspects which made the home appear very dark and depressing, and focus on the floor plan.

The popcorn ceilings in the home were painted a depressing shade of grey, while the walls were a dark golden color. The cabinets and trim work throughout the house had a shade of brown/green slopped all over them, with paint drips and globs of paint everywhere. The walls had a hand-troweled DIY texture applied, which was thick and stuck out so far from the wall, I sliced open my arm when I got too close to it as I rounded a corner.

As we walked through the home, we noticed the cabinet paint was peeling, revealing a blood red underlying color. We opened up the kitchen cabinet doors and jumped back as the blood red painted interior assaulted our vision. The brownish color paint on the outside and the blood red on the inside, made it appear as though you were looking at the inside of an animal that had been slaughtered.

The camera flash makes the kitchen appear brighter than it was in person

Yes, even with the lights turned on, the house was very dark

That red jumps out and grabs you

Say hello to the slaughterhouse red!

You can see the paint brush swirls and the peeling paint

With a budget of $2,500 - including appliances - my husband and I (after months of design disagreements) decided on a design. The ceilings were professionally scraped of the popcorn gray and redone with a knock-down texture and painted a bright ceiling white. 

We kept the existing cabinets because we didn't have the budget to replace them. The cabinets were stripped, and stripped, and stripped some more of the red paint (which never fully released from the wood), and then sanded, primed, and painted in a cheerful shade of white. We added an extension to the top of the cabinets, due to the kitchen's 9' high ceilings making the upper cabinets look short and squatty. Satin nickel cabinet hardware replaced what few pieces of cabinet hardware had been left on the cabinets.

A new neighbor was remodeling their home and gave us a section of upper cabinets (which matched ours) to hang above the long bar area. Because the cabinets our neighbors gifted us with were actually for an angled wall and we were going to be installing them on a long straight wall, my husband had to cut the cabinets in half. This allowed him to trim the angles from the cabinets so they could hang in a straight line. 

The kitchen walls were scraped of the odd DIY texture until our hands bled, and then re-textured with a softer appearing hand-troweled texture to smooth over the harsh lines of the previous wall texture. It took 23 paint samples before we found just the right shade of a grey-beige for the wall color.

The brick countertops were sledgehammered out, and granite tile countertops with a tumbled marble backsplash replaced them. A new deep heavy-gauge stainless steel sink and kitchen faucet replaced the worn out and leaking old one.

The utilitarian light over the sink was replaced with a fixture that was a bit modern and pleasing to the eye. A breakfast room chandelier was purchased and installed as well, since the previous homeowner took it with them. The photos below are the renovation as it unfolded.

The first pieces of brick are removed

My husband and I raced to see who could pull the brick off the backsplash first. I won.

This countertop was incredibly difficult to remove

We discovered our son loves demolition 

All of the brick is being ripped out, slowly but surely

Goodbye brick countertops

There comes a point when you just say to heck with it and rip the drywall out

That red paint....EEK!

Free child labor

The primer is on

I laid every single one of the granite tiles

In the midst of the renovation, I discovered the pantry space wasn't going to cut it with 2 growing kids. "We" (meaning me) decided to tear out the 3 stacked cabinets which served as the pantry, and I coerced my husband into extending the wall by another 2 feet. This created enough room for a walk-in pantry.

Say hello to my new pantry

The support strips are in place!

Oh shelving, how I love thee!

Time to fill it up!

After several years of back-breaking work and a lot of blood, sweat, and tears (and a few design arguments thrown in there), here is the light and bright finished kitchen. The brick floors and the oven and microwave will be replaced somewhere down the road. 

We expanded the doorway to the formal dining room after we discover the refrigerator door couldn't open properly

The upper cabinets on the right are the ones we were gifted with by our new neighbor

Sooooo much brighter and cheerful!

The extension we added to the upper cabinets to give them the appearance of more height

I am in LOVE with my kitchen hardware

We are so happy the dark depressing colors, gray popcorn ceilings, oddly textured walls, and slaughterhouse cabinet paint scheme are all a thing of the past. It's time to move on to the next project in this house........ scraping more poorly hand-troweled texture off the walls. I should probably stock up on some band-aids first though.

Christie Bielss

The Ugliest Kitchen.......

With the guest room project done, I have been reinvigorated to start getting more of the half-finished projects in our home completed.  Everywhere I look, there's something that was started and then stopped because something else reared its ugly head and needed immediate attention.  Usually by the time we had remediated whatever calamity had occurred, we were tired and were in need of a break.  Since we've now been in our home 3 years this past July, and our house is still full of half-finished projects, we may have taken a wee bit too many breaks.

So, the best way to get a hard-headed redhead motivated is for there to be a deadline........... with photographic evidence that a mission has been accomplished.  Cue the theme to "Mission Impossible"............ no wait!  Let's cue the theme to "Rocky" because once you see the before pictures of our kitchen, you're going to understand why I may go 12 rounds with this renovation.

In case you're wondering: 
1) No.  I have no idea whatsoever the previous homeowner's theme was.  Every cabinet door you open in the kitchen and living areas of the house have (had) the slaughterhouse red paint, including any plumbing fixtures or pipes which may be in the cabinet.

2) Yes, only select cabinet drawer/door hardware was taken when the previous homeowner left.  I guess she only took the pieces from her most favorite drawers/doors?

3) No, we can't just paint over the poopy-diaper brown color because:
a) they didn't use a quality paint and as a result, the brown paint peels off;
b) they painted with carefree abandon...... i.e. lots of weird paint brush swirls in the paint........ not to mention pieces of the paint brushes themselves.

4) Yes, we are having to strip every cabinet door and cabinet base and then sand.  Sadly, they had painted the cabinets the slaughterhouse red color first and did not prime prior to painting the original beautiful maple cabinets.  As a result, the red paint permanently soaked into the wood and cannot be removed, so painting the cabinets is our only option.

5) Yes, a store obviously had a fantastic sale on brick.  And no, I'm not keeping the brick countertops.  They were laid incorrectly and the only way to clean them with the depth and width of the grout line is to vacuum them.  Not exactly sanitary........

So, without further ado, here are the "before" pictures of our kitchen.  You may want to prepare yourself..........

The house in its original "foreclosed" condition

Yeah, that red jumps out and grabs you

You can see the pantry (behind the open utility room door) which is a set of 6 cabinet doors.
It has nowhere near the amount of storage space that it looks like here.  It's tiny.

If you touch it, it will peel........ and you can see the lovely
swirl pattern in the paint here too! 

EEK!  This will wake you up in the morning.  Are you
impressed I found a bucket to match???

Nearly every hinge has been stripped.
Sassafrassing, grumble, snarl......

Now that you've seen the degree of ugly we are tackling...... let the renovation begin!  What's your best guess on how long it'll take us?  I'm figuring 2 months because I have to pick out a new sink and there's so many to choose from it's boggling my mind.  Any tips or hints you can share??

And as a PS:  A very big THANK YOU! to all of you who have prayed for my dad and my family this past month.  My dad's health has returned, albeit he still is regaining energy.  And if the health emergency wasn't enough, some thieves acquired his banking account information and stole a lot of money from them.  We are very pleased with the response from Bank of America and their fraud department.  They are hot on their trail, along with the corporations who were also defrauded of money through this theft, and we hope they are soon brought to justice so no other families have to experience this situation.  Your well-wishes, thoughts and prayers have meant a lot to me during this time and I greatly appreciate it!  May God bless you all!

Christie Bielss

The Big Reveal.....Well, Sort Of.......

It's here!  The BIG reveal...... well, sort of.  I had it all planned out right down to the last detail .......and then a few obstacles jumped in my path.  With any project, I know there are going to be obstacles.  I expect them and even try to plan for them.  But this time, I obviously didn't plan well enough.  The obstacles ate up every bit of the extra time I had built into the renovation project timeline.  Much like those DIY'ers on the show "Renovation Realities", I guess I should have built in extra time for those things I had not thought of.  I did, however, succeed in buying the furniture items for the room at great prices either on Craigslist or at garage sales.  The total amount spent will be revealed at the end.

The original piece that spurred this whole renovation was my desk.  My desk for years has been a computer armoire.  It served a great purpose for the occasional computer user, but because I am now spending many an hour in front of the computer, it was making me claustrophobic.

Not only did I have no view, but little view I did have felt like a cave, and the armoire had little to no storage.  I constantly had papers scattered everywhere, making my brain feel somewhat scattered.  I also had no flat surface area to even write anything down.

It became obvious that I had outgrown the part-time usability of the armoire.  I decided I needed something which would allow me to spread out, have some storage space, and even give me the ability to place the desk where I'd have a view out of a window so I wouldn't feel so hemmed in.

Day after day I searched online for the look I wanted.  I spent hours scouring Houzz, Pinterest, Better Homes and Gardens,  and tons of other websites.  I thumbed through magazine after magazine in search of the perfect office/guest room combination.

After an exhaustive search, I finally found the look I wanted with a desk that I had to have............ until I saw the price.  $1,500-$1,800....... before tax and shipping.  ugh.  I was totally deflated.  My husband liked the look I'd decided on though and encouraged me to search Craigslist in the hopes of finding something similar at a more reasonable price.

It took about 2 weeks of non-stop shopping.  One day I clicked on a brand new listing and my jaw dropped.  It was the exact desk I'd fallen in love with.  There it was before me, and for a price that made me wonder if it came with legs and drawers.  I quickly sent an email and the seller responded immediately that it was available and it did indeed have 4 legs and all of the drawers.  I bought it right then and there.  Oh, I was happy, happy, happy!

With that super-win under my belt, I then started shopping for a daybed.  Months passed with no luck.  I was completely frustrated and with hopes dashed, I gave up on renovating the room.  Then a friend emailed and asked if we'd host a couple while they were in town training.

A spark was lit within me again and my energy was renewed.  As I showed renewed interest in completing the project, I shared my budget with my mother.  She scoffed at the price I I had budgeted to for a daybed ....... even at Craigslist prices.  Challenge this redhead and you'll be amazed at how dedicated I can become.  Not only did I find a daybed that mimics the curves of my desk, but I bought it for a pittance of what she thought I'd have to pay.

Another victory was now in the books and was lighting the fire under my feet to get this room finished......... not to mention the rapidly approaching arrival of guests who needed a place to stay. 

With the major pieces for the room purchased, I started by painting the ceiling.  That was much more of a job than I had planned.  I made the B-I-G mistake of picking up paint at a different paint store than I usually use, simply because it was convenient.  The ceiling required 3 coats of paint.  The cheap paint I'd bought was not covering the ceiling and at the rate I was going, it would take 5 coats of paint to cover it evenly.  I finally gave up and went and bought paint at my regular paint store.  Not only had this eaten up 2 additional work days but it also ate up more of my budget than I'd planned for since I had to buy the better paint. 

I learned my lesson and did succeed in a couple of areas with paint:
1)  I bought the better paint for the walls the first time and even spent a lot of time picking out just the right shade.  The result: I absolutely love the wall color.  Could not be happier than I am with that.
2) I somehow was able to get paint between my toes......... with my shoes on.  I still haven't figured that one out since I pretty much lived in my shoes from the moment I got out of bed until I took a shower in the evening.  I'm thinking my dog may have played a prank on me to get even for me not allowing her to romp through the paint trays and decorate the floors of my house with paw prints.

I did run into another unexpected issue: I couldn't find a comforter locally.  Who knew daybed comforters were so hard to find?  I ended up having to order one online and when it arrived (the day before our guests were scheduled to arrive), I discovered the lovely soft shade of blue I was expecting to see, was actually gun-metal gray. Talk about a reality check. Had the comforter been for a bed shaped like one of the US Navy's battleships, it would've been perfect.  Since it was for my woman-cave, it didn't work out so well.

I quickly went through all of the old comforters I had stored away and discovered a white down puffy comforter.  It's not perfect, but it works for now.  And it's soft and cushy to sit on when I want to sneak away and read a book.

I tried really hard not to get too frustrated or panicked with each set back, but the closer to "Reveal Day" I got, the more stressed out I became.  In a house full of half-finished projects, all I wanted was to be able to finally say one room was finished.  For it to be my room was just icing on the cake.

While I don't have the room completely finished at this time, it's close enough that I've decided to show the bits and pieces.  So, without further ado, here are the before, during, and after photos of my newly renovated guest room/office.

The final dollar amount I spent on furnishing the room?
Desk:  $200
Wrought iron daybed:  $85
Bookcase:  $5
Bedside table:  $5
Lamps:  $40
 

Amount spent on paint and other things:

Ceiling paint: $75
Wall paint: $58
Spray paint (for the bed and bookcase): $32
Acrylic paint for bathroom mirror:  $3.50
Kleenex tissue holder:  $10
Bathroom jewelry tray: $12
Toothbrush holder: $5

Now it's time to decide whether to start on the guest bathroom, since I painted the concreted mosaic mirror frame, or finish the other half of the kitchen.  hmmmm......  Which would you do?

By Christie Bielss

The dark and ugly ceiling color.  This photo makes it look much
brighter than it was.



The ceiling after we scraped the popcorn texture off.
Not sure why it became this golden color, but that was the
true color after scraping.



The ceiling after 2 coats of paint and
the lovely poopy-diaper colored walls.

 

3 coats of paint later, the ceiling is done.

Priming the walls and you can see a small portion of the junk in this room

My BEAUTIFUL desk!  I LOVE it!

It has a hand-tooled leather top

Yes, I really can be organized and I do like my label maker!

Bought this bed and painted it a metallic brown

Bookcase my wonderful husband painted

Ok, now I know this bathroom mirror isn't in the room, but
it is the guest room bath and I couldn't take the mosaic tile color any more.

With a tube of silver acrylic paint I covered that ugly mosaic.



Moving Beyond Procrastination

I saw a post recently titled "10 Tips To Stop Procrastinating Right Now".  I decided that article sounded very interesting given my great propensity for that particular behavior trait, so I saved it to read later.  2 months later..........it's still saved.

 

 

When it comes to procrastination, I think I should be given an honorary PhD.  I have perfected the art and made it into an artform.  Not only have I just avoided doing things I didn't want to do, but I have even gone so far as to spend hours trying to figure out a way how not to do something.

Unfortunately, when I'm done pondering, that pesky task is still sitting there waiting patiently.  Lately this trait has really started to get on my nerves, so much so that I have been researching organizational strategies to try to help make my life easier, if not simpler.  The thought of not having paperwork laying around my house for days..... ok weeks........ oh, who am I kidding, years.... actually excites me to the point of perusing The Container Store.

Of course, once I get into looking at all of the various items to organize my life, I then become so overwhelmed that I retreat back into my comfortable little world, surrounded by...... paper.  With the dawning of a new year, I again got invigorated to organize my little corner of the world and, if nothing else, make it presentable.  Ok, I'll be happy if I achieve the level of not being embarrassed when someone stops by.

In an effort to gain momentum, I decided I need my own little area of the house where I can write my blog, as well as other contracted writing jobs I've been getting, and edit images when I do photo shoots (from my part-time photography business).  I also realized that while my computer area was quite "functional", it was also extremely uninspiring and, to be quite honest, claustrophobic.

I don't like being boxed in and it actually overwhelms me when I started seeing even just a few papers laying around my computer.  Once I felt overwhelmed, then I'd just leave the stuff there, which then seemed to have allowed the paper to breed and create more piles of paper.

So, having figured this all out, my husband and I have decided to transform our guest room into my office/guest room.  First thing to get this wave of momentum going was to sell the computer armoire.  Thanks to Craigslist it now has a new home.  Second to go was our queen sized bed in the guest room.  Again, thank you Craigslist.  It was sold in less than 3 hours.

I'm now in shopping mode for a new desk.  You may have heard of the HGTV show "Design on a Dime" which redecorates a room in under $1,000.  With all of the renovations our house needs due to it having been a foreclosure property, I'm going for the "Knock-off on a Nickel" budget. 

And thanks to Pinterest and Houzz, I now have a bit of a design plan and am "happily" moving forward.  The photo above is my "before" picture.....ok, but the bed has already been sold, so it's not truly a before picture.  As you can see, we have done nothing to the room since moving in, so it just looks like a disorganized storage area right now.  But! I have a dream!...... and I have my photos from Pinterest and Houzz to keep me focused.

So stay tuned.  I am working hard to create my "working retreat area" as I'm now calling it, and will post an after picture when we get it complete.  I'm thinking the hardest part is going to be moving all this cr.......errrr..........junk out.  If you all are interested, I may even post some "sneak peeks" along the way...... I am truly looking forward to having a pretty area to go to, but mainly one that doesn't look like a hoarder lives here.

Christie Bielss

Renovation Reality

Home renovation.  2 words that strike fear in the hearts of most normal people.  Why?  Because when those 2 particular words are spoken there is the immediate fear of attempting the renovation yourself.  Because so many people have chosen to try and tackle home renovations themselves, the D-I-Y Channel created the show "Renovation Realities".  Sometimes the show makes you laugh and sometimes it makes you cringe because you can foretell the danger or disaster about to befall the DIY'er.

The reality is that home renovation rarely happens the way you planned or in the time you've alloted.  DIY projects can be difficult, aggravating, exasperating, depressing, dangerous, messy, disgusting, and a whole slew of other adjectives.  Heck, depending on the level of the project's difficulty, and whether it's flowing smoothly or not (usually "not"),  you generally start making up your own string of adjectives as you go along.

So, in honor of all those who have gone before us, and those who will follow in our footsteps, here are just a few of my husband and I's "Renovation Realities" moments:

Our first DIY project was a patio extension.  It was the first time we had ever worked with concrete.  We went to the local home improvement store, took a class on building and laying forms, mixing concrete, and how to create a professional looking surface.  You'd think in the course of an entire weekend on the "how-to's" they'd have said "what not to do".  One of those very simple don'ts could've been "concrete is caustic, so don't ever work it without gloves and protective clothing". It only took about a month for the skin to heal over all of the blisters and burns on our bodies.

Our next project was replacing the cabinet bottom under our kitchen sink.  That is one of those "Renovation Reality" moments that is forever seared into my memory.  If you haven't read about that escapade, you can read about it HERE.  My husband still has a few choice words for that particular project and has discussed the need for psychological counseling to get over his fear of that particular insect.
                              Before:

                                             
                                             After:

 

Another project was taking down a brick fireplace and putting up drywall with a new fireplace surround.  The guys at the home improvement store, with whom we were on a first name basis by this time, told us it would be easy and there was really not a lot to the project other than the drywall portion.  Yeah, that wasn't exactly true.  When one demolishes an interior wall of brick, it's advisable to wear a hard hat.  We started with the hearth surround........ and apparently it was actually attached to and supporting the brick wall.  A lot of bruises and a doctor's visit to rule out a concussion later we discovered it's best to start at the top of the wall first.  On the bright side, the demolition took a lot less time than we had originally estimated.

Next up was painting a clapboard wood-sided Cape Code style house.  This is still one of my all-time favorite houses we have purchased. The big project on this was painting the exterior siding.  This is the "Renovation Reality" where the stuff got "REAL".  The house, even though it was a single-story, had a very high elevation.  For my husband to reach the uppermost portions nearly 30 feet high, he had to borrow an extension ladder and lean it up against the house.  He discovered when he was up there that this portion of the siding just so happened to be the slats for the attic ventilation.  It was a very hot, oppressive summer in the deep south, so in hopes of not expiring from heat stroke, we chose to paint late in the evening .

One evening while my husband was painting and I was standing nearly 30 feet below him holding the ladder steady, when we started hearing this odd squeaking noise.  At first we thought it was the ladder.  My husband stood very still and yet the squeaking sound continued and even started to get louder.  We listened intently and yet neither of us could figure out what in the world the noise was or where it was coming from. 

As we shrugged our shoulders and he turned his attention back to painting, all of the sudden there was a giant "whoosh" and thousands of bats came zooming out of those attic ventilation slats all at once!  Bats were everywhere!  It was like the Alfred Hitchcock movie "The Birds".  I was paralyzed with fear when I saw those flying vampires swarming and swooping around my husband's head and flying into his chest and into the ladder. His arms were flailing everywhere as he tried to knock them away from him.

When the bats started swooping down around my head, I broke out of my paralyzed state with a blood-curdling scream and all bets were off as it was every man for himself!  I was not waiting to see whether he managed to get off that ladder safely, I had to get away from these blood thirsty creatures.  My husband must have channeled some inner superhuman power though because he nearly beat me to the backdoor of our house.  He probably would have if I hadn't shoved him out of my way.  From that day forward, all exterior house painting was conducted in daylight hours only.

The house we are currently in was a foreclosure and the home, inside and out, requires extensive renovation.  We've already had a few reality checks and I'm sure there will be many more "memories" being made with this home in the very near future...... and you can bet I'll be documenting our experiences along the way.  So stay tuned and remember:  Safety First!

by: Christie Bielss
 

Kids, Husbands, and Chores

We have been undergoing a major kitchen renovation that we are doing ourselves.  In all honesty, we probably should've written in to the DIY network's show "Renovation Realities" and had them come film our progress. 

Because I've been the one doing the painting and such, Mike and the kids have taken on some of my weekly tasks to ease my burden.  Isn't that sweet?  Maybe, maybe not.  I've been noticing a build-up of dust on the floors and have repeatedly asked that they be vacuumed.  In the past couple of days when I ask, Mike will go and get the kids and after some whispered discussion, I'll hear the vacuum being run for a while.  Today, after being chased by a dust bunny the size of a Great Dane, I struck out in search of my vacuum.  The picture above is what I found.  Duct tape - it can solve any problem.........but only if you actually cover the hole you broke in the sucker hose in multiple places. 

Thinking I might just go out and buy a new vacuum, toss the broken one in the trash and act like the new one is my old vacuum - just to see how they react.  I'm betting I'll have some rascally houseguests:  Wasn't Me, I Didn't Do It, and I Don't Know.......

by: Christie Bielss

The Sink Stinks

We bought an older home (built in 1978) back in the mid 1990's which had a few cosmetic issues.  We thought those cosmetic issues were just your typical P/W/C (paint/wallpaper/carpet).  We were in for a bit of a rude awakening.

The first morning we lived in the house, both my husband (Mike) and I had to get up and go to work before dawn.  I was the first one dressed (who says men are the faster dressers?!) and headed into the kitchen.  I flipped on the light and to my great horror, the floor was a solid mass of the most dreaded of all kitchen bugs:  the cockroach.

Being a red-blooded American female, I did what all females do when they encounter such a sight:  I let out a blood-curdling scream and ran for my life!  My husband came at a full run thinking I'd been attacked by the boogie-man.  I jumped in his big protecting arms and was able to squeak out the horror I'd just witnessed: "BUGS!!!!!  They're everywhere!!!".  That big oaf actually started laughing. 

As my nerves calmed down I said "Oh, you think that's funny?  They covered the entire surface of the kitchen floor like a cockroach carpet!".  With a sarcastic "Yeah, ok Mrs. Drama. How many were there?  1 or 2?", and walked into the kitchen.  By the time he reached the doorway, the floor was completely bug free.  They'd all crawled back into the icky gicky void they must've come out from.  I walked to the doorway and could feel them staring at me.  I knew they were there, lurking in their dark, dank hideaway planning their next invasion.

Later that same day we were having a new dishwasher installed.  The installer noted that the cabinet bottom under the kitchen sink was very damp and rotted from where the old dishwasher had leaked for a very long time.  He advised us to replace the sink bottom ASAP.  A little later that day we also had an urgent, same day pest control treatment (I do NOT do bugs).  Since we were pulling out that cabinet bottom, the technician left us some chemicals to treat that area directly.

The next morning I took an extraordinarily long time getting ready so that my husband was first to turn on the kitchen light. He's a 6'1" broad-shouldered, barrel-chested ex-football player.  He's not afraid of any stinkin' bugs.  As he walked into the family room, I peeked around the corner to see his reaction.  He flicked on the kitchen light and jumped back several feet. The bugs were out in full force.  "You're not laughing....." I said as I peeked from behind the safety of my corner.  He watched as the bugs scattered and ran for cover.  He decided right then and there that his first order of business as soon as he got home from work was to rip out that rotten cabinet bottom. 

True to his word, he walked in the door from work and immediately jumped into action.  He laid all of his tools  within arm's reach of the sink area and even had the pest control chemicals primed and ready - just in case there were any bugs that tried to protest this repair.  He gave me the heads up that he was ready and that I might should find a safe spot to perch myself. 

Having a sense of what was going to come out of that cabinet when he started banging around, I grabbed our dog and headed out to the backyard.  I figured with his manly attitude of  "I'm not afraid of any bugs", this had the potential to become quite entertaining.  I positioned myself outside our kitchen's big bay window, which allowed me the perfect sight line to where he was going to be working, and waited for the show to begin. 

My husband started hammering, and the cabinet bottom started disintegrating on the second downward stroke.  He reached into the cabinet and pulled out the first large piece of rotten cabinet bottom.  He held it up for me to see while mouthing "Ewwww!  NASTY!". 

He sat back down in front of the cabinet and with great force, he hit the cabinet bottom again.  And then it happened.  Time literally stood still.  In what seemed like a scene from a horror movie, my husband started to pull that piece of cabinet bottom out only to discover it was the bugs' home..... and they did not like invaders! 

The bugs immediately went on the offensive and launched an all out invasion.  Before he could even take a breath, bugs were everywhere.  Freeze-frame here:  you know in the first "Home Alone" movie where the little boy grabs the tarantula and plops it on the burglar's face and the burglar emits the loudest, most high-pitched scream imaginable?  Hold onto that thought and let's resume.  All of the sudden, those cockroaches were going after him.   

He started frantically slapping and swiping at his legs and feet.  He wasn't making much headway against this coordinated offensive, so he grabbed the hammer and started smashing everything that moved with it.  As he was flailing around his legs and feet, he didn't notice the bugs had started crawling up his arms towards his face!  All of the sudden, he noticed a movement on his arm and discovered the nasty spawns of satan were nearly to his shoulder.  Before I had time to even blink, he emitted the "Home Alone" blood-curdling, completely horrified scream. 

He started hopping around in a complete frenzy trying to free himself from the bugs.  Standing in the backyard, I couldn't contain myself any longer and started laughing hysterically.  The more he jumped around, swatted and screamed, the harder I laughed.  I was laughing so hard I couldn't catch a breath, my legs literally gave way and I fell to the ground.  I couldn't take my eyes off the scene before me and through tears of laughter, I watched as he finally noticed the pest control chemicals.  He grabbed the chemical sprayer and started spraying wildly while screaming "DIE!!!!  DIE!!!!!!!".  Those giant bugs didn't have a chance against that chemical and died on contact. 

After several minutes passed, he regained control of the situation and looked out the bay window for the first time since having to fight against this invasion of thousands of miscreants.  He started to smile at me and give me the thumbs up when he noticed me laying in the grass laughing hysterically.  His smile froze and slowly faded into a pointed frown.  For some reason, he did not see the humor in the situation one tiny bit.  I guess I was lucky that his "thumbs up" didn't flip around and become a "you're #1"........

by: Christie Bielss