The Escalator Escapade

One day while shopping at the mall, I observed a very attractive and well dressed woman step onto the grooved platform of the store escalator. She carried herself with a regalness rarely seen outside of Buckingham Palace. As I made my store purchase, I watched as the escalator carried her up to the next floor.

She stood on the conveyor step and surveyed the harried shoppers much as a queen looks down upon the peasants in her kingdom.  As she neared the crest of the escalator mountain, she prepared to disembark. In the process of shifting her position on the steps, one of her expensive high heeled pumps became lodged in the grooves of the people moving contraption. This well coiffed and fashionably dressed woman tried, to no avail, to daintily wiggle her foot in order to dislodge the stuck shoe. 

She was lifted ever closer to the peak when the sound of the stair steps collapsing into the metallic jaws of death caused the fashionista to panic.  Abandoning all sense of propriety, she grabbed her shoe with both hands in an effort to pry it loose from the vise-like grip the escalator had on it.

My jaw fell open as I watched the drama unfold. The words in my mind must have spilled out of my mouth, causing the sales associate I was working with to turn and view the spectacle. Before the sales associate could react, a young male sales associate jumped into action. He quickly pressed a button, stopping the escalator's movement while rushing to assist her.

When the escalator finally stopped, the heel of the costly shoe was wedged into the metal teeth of the landing platform. The young man wiggled the shoe back and forth as he tried to free the stiletto heel. Putting a little more muscle into his efforts, the shoe finally popped free........... minus the stiletto heel. Horrified, he reached down and plucked the heel from between the step's grooves. 

As the young man handed the mangled shoe and heel to the beautiful woman, she looked sadly upon the damage which had been wrought and began to laugh. She thanked the associate profusely for his chivalry. After plopping the detached heel into her handbag, she put the mauled shoe upon her foot and attempted to walk away.

The three inch height disparity between the two shoes made walking with any semblance of dignity utterly impossible. With unmatched confidence and majesty, she kicked off both shoes, flung them over her shoulder like a pair of flip flops, and walked through the store barefoot, as though she were a queen walking on a private beach.

As the sales associate and I watched the woman disappear into the racks of clothing, the sales associate leaned over and said "I would much rather walk up ten flights of stairs than trust my good shoes to a contraption that is similar to what the recycling plant uses to crush beer cans.". And with that comment, I realized all of the grace and majesty had left the building and just us commoners remained.

Wardrobe Wars

My husband and I go round-and-round regarding our family's wardrobe.  I think we should each have more than 5 shirts in the closet and he thinks more than that is extravagant.  He thinks that since we were only born with 2 feet, having more than 1 pair of shoes is a waste of money.  He doesn't understand that women (and girls) need more than just a pair of sneakers.  And the mere mention of needing a new purse is like stabbing him in the heart.

 

There are many things my husband prides himself on being, but a clothes-horse is not one of them.  If you were to look in our closet, you'd see he has 10 shirts.  Of those 10 shirts, he only wears 5 of them regularly.  The 5 he wears are short-sleeved golf shirts and he wears them year-round.  The other 5 are long sleeved shirts in case the universe experiences another ice age.

He considers my side of the closet to be overburdened by clothing and believes that if I donated half of it, I could clothe the entire continent of Africa.  He just doesn't understand the female wardrobe.  Women's clothes aren't as versatile as men's.  We can't wear a golf shirt to dinner, drinks with the girls, or to an afternoon tea, like men can.

He has no understanding women need clothes for work, play, church, nights out on the town, and formal occasions, nor does he understand the different levels of each one of those clothing categories.  Women have formal business attire for meeting with clients, as well as everyday casual work attire.  Then you have to throw the "Fun Friday" attire into the mix. 

His reasoning was flawed when he surmised that I could get rid of 2 of the 3 pairs of pants which were the exact same design.  As a woman, I also have multiple different sizes of clothes.  Yes, I have my fat, skinny, and just-right clothes.  How much chocolate I've eaten, whether or not I've exercised, and whether the moon is waxing or waning, are all factors which will determine the size clothing I am wearing on any given day.

My husband has 1 pair of shoes which he wears with most everything.  A good old pair of sneakers.  He cannot understand why a woman needs so many different styles of shoes.  He thinks a pair of Sketchers should go with a designer dress, formal attire, and all of my casual outfits.  I've had to purchase fashion magazines to show him that women really do have different shoes for each outfit.

But, one thing he learned a long time ago which is not up for discussion:  my purses.  He made the mistake of asking why I needed 25 different styles of purses.  He even suggested that I pair the collection down to just one purse.  That's when he learned that nothing will get his 10 shirts and 1 pair of sneakers kicked out of our house faster than suggesting I downsize my purse assortment.

I had to explain to him that while I do not carry my large Louis Vuitton zip top purse every day, if ever there was a major cataclysmic event, I could throw the contents of my entire household into that bag.  We wouldn't have to eat bugs like on the tv show "Survivor" because I'd have canned goods, a can opener, chocolate, bagged donuts, chips, canned meat, and vegetables all snuggled safely within its confines.  I've even been thinking lately of purchasing a generator to keep stored inside the bag.  You never know when you might have a need to heat up a can of beanie-weenies in the Outback.

Now whenever bad weather strikes and we have to go to the inner-most room of our house to take cover, I yell that I have the kids, dog and pillows, and he yells back that he has thrown his body over my purse collection.  Yes, as long as the Louis Vuitton survives, we'll be just fine........

Written by:  Christie Bielss

Shopping Smart

This year I have been reading so much about "shopping smart" and "shopping with a plan/list" on the internet, in the paper, and hearing about it on tv, etc., that we made the choice to try to create, and stick with, a budget. 

Being a redhead, shopping "smart" or with a "plan" is generally outside my area of expertise, but always game to try something new I decided to give it a go.  Mind you, I LOVE organizing, and shopping like this is really just about being organized, but the thought of not straying off the "plan" for a bag of chocolate or a cute pair of shoes - well, the thought gave me the cold shivers. 

Recently though, both kids' child-sized clothing hangers have either been hanging up on the closet rod so long they've learned to pole-dance or their clothes have gotten too big for the hangers. If you so much as open the closet door, half of the shirts either drop a shoulder and hang there half on and half off the hanger, or the clothes hit the floor faster than a stripper's. 

Well today I finally decided to tackle the problem. K and I, armed with our "plan", went to Target and "shopped smart". We entered the "Home Organization" section (which, by the way, I've discovered is just a way of saying that everything is over-priced) and immediately saw the hangers sitting on the aisle endcap in a wide array of deliciously delightful colors - and then I noticed the price: $2.99 for an 18 pack. What?! It's PLASTIC! Are they made of some special non-breakable plastic or reinforced with steel?! What happened to a 12-pack for $1? 

After looking around a bit and having to search several aisles, we discovered the good old white plastic hangers tucked away so as not to readily draw attention. A 10-pack for $1.17 or 2 packs of 10 for $2.34 - a $.75 discount over the delightfully colored 18-pack. That seemed much more reasonable considering the thinness of the plastic and inflation over the past 30 years. So yes, much to K's misery, my childrens' closets are now full of new, plain white plastic hangers and not the delightfully colored ones. But now when I open their closet doors, the clothes have given up their partying ways and are hanging there with all the modesty of royalty......... and, I stayed within my budgeted allowance for this project..... maybe I'll celebrate this victory by looking at some shoe sales.....

by: Christie Bielss