Home renovation. 2 words that strike fear in the hearts of most normal people. Why? Because when those 2 particular words are spoken there is the immediate fear of attempting the renovation yourself. Because so many people have chosen to try and tackle home renovations themselves, the D-I-Y Channel created the show "Renovation Realities". Sometimes the show makes you laugh and sometimes it makes you cringe because you can foretell the danger or disaster about to befall the DIY'er.
The reality is that home renovation rarely happens the way you planned or in the time you've alloted. DIY projects can be difficult, aggravating, exasperating, depressing, dangerous, messy, disgusting, and a whole slew of other adjectives. Heck, depending on the level of the project's difficulty, and whether it's flowing smoothly or not (usually "not"), you generally start making up your own string of adjectives as you go along.
So, in honor of all those who have gone before us, and those who will follow in our footsteps, here are just a few of my husband and I's "Renovation Realities" moments:
Our first DIY project was a patio extension. It was the first time we had ever worked with concrete. We went to the local home improvement store, took a class on building and laying forms, mixing concrete, and how to create a professional looking surface. You'd think in the course of an entire weekend on the "how-to's" they'd have said "what not to do". One of those very simple don'ts could've been "concrete is caustic, so don't ever work it without gloves and protective clothing". It only took about a month for the skin to heal over all of the blisters and burns on our bodies.
Our next project was replacing the cabinet bottom under our kitchen sink. That is one of those "Renovation Reality" moments that is forever seared into my memory. If you haven't read about that escapade, you can read about it HERE. My husband still has a few choice words for that particular project and has discussed the need for psychological counseling to get over his fear of that particular insect.
Before:
After:
Another project was taking down a brick fireplace and putting up drywall with a new fireplace surround. The guys at the home improvement store, with whom we were on a first name basis by this time, told us it would be easy and there was really not a lot to the project other than the drywall portion. Yeah, that wasn't exactly true. When one demolishes an interior wall of brick, it's advisable to wear a hard hat. We started with the hearth surround........ and apparently it was actually attached to and supporting the brick wall. A lot of bruises and a doctor's visit to rule out a concussion later we discovered it's best to start at the top of the wall first. On the bright side, the demolition took a lot less time than we had originally estimated.
Next up was painting a clapboard wood-sided Cape Code style house. This is still one of my all-time favorite houses we have purchased. The big project on this was painting the exterior siding. This is the "Renovation Reality" where the stuff got "REAL". The house, even though it was a single-story, had a very high elevation. For my husband to reach the uppermost portions nearly 30 feet high, he had to borrow an extension ladder and lean it up against the house. He discovered when he was up there that this portion of the siding just so happened to be the slats for the attic ventilation. It was a very hot, oppressive summer in the deep south, so in hopes of not expiring from heat stroke, we chose to paint late in the evening .
One evening while my husband was painting and I was standing nearly 30 feet below him holding the ladder steady, when we started hearing this odd squeaking noise. At first we thought it was the ladder. My husband stood very still and yet the squeaking sound continued and even started to get louder. We listened intently and yet neither of us could figure out what in the world the noise was or where it was coming from.
As we shrugged our shoulders and he turned his attention back to painting, all of the sudden there was a giant "whoosh" and thousands of bats came zooming out of those attic ventilation slats all at once! Bats were everywhere! It was like the Alfred Hitchcock movie "The Birds". I was paralyzed with fear when I saw those flying vampires swarming and swooping around my husband's head and flying into his chest and into the ladder. His arms were flailing everywhere as he tried to knock them away from him.
When the bats started swooping down around my head, I broke out of my paralyzed state with a blood-curdling scream and all bets were off as it was every man for himself! I was not waiting to see whether he managed to get off that ladder safely, I had to get away from these blood thirsty creatures. My husband must have channeled some inner superhuman power though because he nearly beat me to the backdoor of our house. He probably would have if I hadn't shoved him out of my way. From that day forward, all exterior house painting was conducted in daylight hours only.
The house we are currently in was a foreclosure and the home, inside and out, requires extensive renovation. We've already had a few reality checks and I'm sure there will be many more "memories" being made with this home in the very near future...... and you can bet I'll be documenting our experiences along the way. So stay tuned and remember: Safety First!
by: Christie Bielss
We bought an older home (built in 1978) back in the mid 1990's which had a few cosmetic issues. We thought those cosmetic issues were just your typical P/W/C (paint/wallpaper/carpet). We were in for a bit of a rude awakening.
The first morning we lived in the house, both my husband (Mike) and I had to get up and go to work before dawn. I was the first one dressed (who says men are the faster dressers?!) and headed into the kitchen. I flipped on the light and to my great horror, the floor was a solid mass of the most dreaded of all kitchen bugs: the cockroach.
Being a red-blooded American female, I did what all females do when they encounter such a sight: I let out a blood-curdling scream and ran for my life! My husband came at a full run thinking I'd been attacked by the boogie-man. I jumped in his big protecting arms and was able to squeak out the horror I'd just witnessed: "BUGS!!!!! They're everywhere!!!". That big oaf actually started laughing.
As my nerves calmed down I said "Oh, you think that's funny? They covered the entire surface of the kitchen floor like a cockroach carpet!". With a sarcastic "Yeah, ok Mrs. Drama. How many were there? 1 or 2?", and walked into the kitchen. By the time he reached the doorway, the floor was completely bug free. They'd all crawled back into the icky gicky void they must've come out from. I walked to the doorway and could feel them staring at me. I knew they were there, lurking in their dark, dank hideaway planning their next invasion.
Later that same day we were having a new dishwasher installed. The installer noted that the cabinet bottom under the kitchen sink was very damp and rotted from where the old dishwasher had leaked for a very long time. He advised us to replace the sink bottom ASAP. A little later that day we also had an urgent, same day pest control treatment (I do NOT do bugs). Since we were pulling out that cabinet bottom, the technician left us some chemicals to treat that area directly.
The next morning I took an extraordinarily long time getting ready so that my husband was first to turn on the kitchen light. He's a 6'1" broad-shouldered, barrel-chested ex-football player. He's not afraid of any stinkin' bugs. As he walked into the family room, I peeked around the corner to see his reaction. He flicked on the kitchen light and jumped back several feet. The bugs were out in full force. "You're not laughing....." I said as I peeked from behind the safety of my corner. He watched as the bugs scattered and ran for cover. He decided right then and there that his first order of business as soon as he got home from work was to rip out that rotten cabinet bottom.
True to his word, he walked in the door from work and immediately jumped into action. He laid all of his tools within arm's reach of the sink area and even had the pest control chemicals primed and ready - just in case there were any bugs that tried to protest this repair. He gave me the heads up that he was ready and that I might should find a safe spot to perch myself.
Having a sense of what was going to come out of that cabinet when he started banging around, I grabbed our dog and headed out to the backyard. I figured with his manly attitude of "I'm not afraid of any bugs", this had the potential to become quite entertaining. I positioned myself outside our kitchen's big bay window, which allowed me the perfect sight line to where he was going to be working, and waited for the show to begin.
My husband started hammering, and the cabinet bottom started disintegrating on the second downward stroke. He reached into the cabinet and pulled out the first large piece of rotten cabinet bottom. He held it up for me to see while mouthing "Ewwww! NASTY!".
He sat back down in front of the cabinet and with great force, he hit the cabinet bottom again. And then it happened. Time literally stood still. In what seemed like a scene from a horror movie, my husband started to pull that piece of cabinet bottom out only to discover it was the bugs' home..... and they did not like invaders!
The bugs immediately went on the offensive and launched an all out invasion. Before he could even take a breath, bugs were everywhere. Freeze-frame here: you know in the first "Home Alone" movie where the little boy grabs the tarantula and plops it on the burglar's face and the burglar emits the loudest, most high-pitched scream imaginable? Hold onto that thought and let's resume. All of the sudden, those cockroaches were going after him.
He started frantically slapping and swiping at his legs and feet. He wasn't making much headway against this coordinated offensive, so he grabbed the hammer and started smashing everything that moved with it. As he was flailing around his legs and feet, he didn't notice the bugs had started crawling up his arms towards his face! All of the sudden, he noticed a movement on his arm and discovered the nasty spawns of satan were nearly to his shoulder. Before I had time to even blink, he emitted the "Home Alone" blood-curdling, completely horrified scream.
He started hopping around in a complete frenzy trying to free himself from the bugs. Standing in the backyard, I couldn't contain myself any longer and started laughing hysterically. The more he jumped around, swatted and screamed, the harder I laughed. I was laughing so hard I couldn't catch a breath, my legs literally gave way and I fell to the ground. I couldn't take my eyes off the scene before me and through tears of laughter, I watched as he finally noticed the pest control chemicals. He grabbed the chemical sprayer and started spraying wildly while screaming "DIE!!!! DIE!!!!!!!". Those giant bugs didn't have a chance against that chemical and died on contact.
After several minutes passed, he regained control of the situation and looked out the bay window for the first time since having to fight against this invasion of thousands of miscreants. He started to smile at me and give me the thumbs up when he noticed me laying in the grass laughing hysterically. His smile froze and slowly faded into a pointed frown. For some reason, he did not see the humor in the situation one tiny bit. I guess I was lucky that his "thumbs up" didn't flip around and become a "you're #1"........
by: Christie Bielss
