Changing In An Instant

Last week while checking out at the grocery store, I had a rather unpleasant experience.  It was something so simple it should've been no big deal, and yet it became so much more.  It was an incident that made me stop and question my own way of thinking.  Most people would think it was ridiculous and so miniscule of an experience it's not worth anything more than to be a passing aggravation.  For me, it's been more than that.  How is it possible for something so simple and innocuous to change a person in an instant?



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I don't really know.  What I do know is this incident has made me look inward and ask if who I am on the inside is who the world sees on the outside.  Is my perception of my behavior how I really appear to others, or is my perception skewed by my own arrogance?

As I said, the incident was nothing.  It was ridiculous.  It was simply a cashier at the grocery store who became angry when I asked her to price match a single item out of the many groceries I was purchasing.  She got quite upset and didn't want to be inconvenienced to press the few extra buttons on the cash register to over-ride the store price and she made a big show out of her aggravation.

If I had been alone and experienced this, I'd have written it off as typical, but on this trip my daughter was with me.  The woman's attitude and demeanor were such that my daughter asked me what was wrong with the woman.  She wanted to know why she got so mad if this was a normal service the store offered.

My daughter's questions and bewilderment at the cashier's behavior got me to thinking:  what are we saying to younger generations when we not only act this way, but accept this level of service as normal?  Have we become such a "me" society that even when we work or are out in society, we think it's ok to behave in any manner we choose?  Why has it become ok, or even expected, to put ourselves first and to never exercise any control over our words, actions, or emotions?

The cashier was going to be working the same number of hours at her cash register whether she had to price match an item or not.  Her salary was not reduced because the store chose to entice customers to do all of their shopping in one place by price matching.  There was no excuse for her attitude and downright rudeness.  And, as a customer, because I accepted this level of service as though it were a normal part of my transaction, I perpetuated this woman's behavior. 

This incident has really made me miss Miss Manners.  I miss etiquette.  I miss social responsibility.  I miss people being held accountable by their peers.  But mostly I miss people being hospitable to their "neighbors".  I miss society having a level of expectation where cursing in public was not only frowned upon but taboo, when people dressed in nice clothing when they left their homes, when courtesy and kindness were the norm, and when people treated others as they would like to be treated.

So how has this incident affected me?  It's made me realize that I have allowed the world's view to creep in and push aside the morals and social responsibility I was brought up with.  By saying and doing nothing, I actively accepted undesirable behavior, like this woman displayed, as normal or even acceptable.  Because I have become so accustomed to this behavior, as nauseating as it makes me feel just thinking about it, I'm sure I have most likely treated people this way myself.  Having the wide-eyed innocence of my daughter question the appropriateness of this situation opened my eyes and made this a game changer.

It's wonderful that many people step out of their everyday lives to help out at soup kitchens, sort clothes at donation locations, and build homes for the needy.  But what about your everyday life?  Isn't treating all people with kindness, courtesy and respect equally as worthy?  Is it really too much effort to say please and thank you, or hold a door open for someone, or offer your seat (or maybe your place in line) to someone much older than you?

At some point, the buck has to stop somewhere.  I have presented the challenge to my children and they have chosen to accept the challenge.  From this point forward, we are going to make a concerted effort to follow Miss Manner's rules for our behavior.  We are going to work at controlling our tongues and our attitudes and truly focus on treating others as we would like to be treated.  We may not change the world, but we can change the way we touch other's lives by working to make a positive impact.

An avalanche usually begins when an outside force or sound causes an area to break free of its bonds and move with great speed.  Maybe you'll decide to join us and we can break free of the bonds of anger, disrespect, and unkindness and start an avalanche toward a better society together.  Will you pick up the gauntlet and join us in this challenge?  I hope and pray so.

Written by Christie Bielss
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Where did Miss Manners go?

These days you hear about it everywhere.  It doesn't matter where you are:  the dentist, at work, grocery shopping, the post office, car dealership, on the internet, in school or in the school pick-up line, or even in your own vehicle and in your own home.  It's there, ready and raring to rear its ugly head.  People complain about it regularly, but few do anything more than complain. 

What is it that I am speaking of?  A great big lack of manners.  Good, old-fashioned, common courtesy manners seem to have fallen away.  It has been going on for quite some time but, about the same time that the world crossed the mark into the new century, the world also seems to have completely eliminated and tossed aside the one thing that separated man-kind from the animals.

I was recently walking in a store from their parking lot.  A mother with a stroller was a bit ahead of me.  Her stroller held twin babies AND a toddler and it was quite a lengthy contraption but one that I'm sure she was quite thankful for.  What bothered me were the people next to her who saw her struggling to open the store's door and try to maneuver this 18-wheeler sized stroller through it, and not a single person offered to hold the door open for her.

It would've taken what? an extra 20-30 seconds out of their time to perform a simple act of courtesy.  I walked as quickly as I could and held the door for her as she was trying to figure out how to handle the logistics of it.  I apologized to her for the lack of courtesy the others had shown.  And being a redhead, yes I said it loud enough to chasten those who had ignored her need.  It did make me feel better to see several of the women duck their heads in shame.

My husband went to the grocery store with our children last summer.  When they entered the store, my children saw an older gentlewoman having some trouble getting a cart, so they pulled one out and gave it to her.  She was smiling and thanking them as a woman, who was quite obviously in a gigantic hurry and had as much courtesy as an NFL Defensive Linebacker trying to sack an opposing quarterback, nearly ran the older gentlewoman over in her haste to get her own cart.

Upon departing the store's parking lot, my husband had to wait for an oncoming car before pulling out.  The same woman who'd been in such a big hurry in the store was now in the car behind him was obviously still in a big hurry as she laid on the horn and threw up her middle finger to tell him he was #1....... with her car full of children, and in front of my children.  My husband smiled brightly at her, and said "have a nice day!" and told our children that she was obviously having a bad day.  That happened last summer and my children can still tell you every detail of her rude behavior and how her face contorted with her anger to this very day.

Or how about a woman friend of mine who went to the car dealership to drop her car off for service a while ago.  The waiting room chairs were completely filled with 30-50 year old males, and one older gentleman.  All of the men looked up and saw her enter the waiting area and, upon seeing no vacant seats, stand against the wall.  Did a single one of those younger males offer his seat to this woman?  No.  It was the older gentleman who got up and insisted the woman sit in his seat.  Upon seeing this exchange, did a single one of the younger males then offer his seat to the much older gentleman?  Once again, no, not a single solitary one.  And while those men may have forgotten it, my friend still remembers - and she remembers that it was the older gentleman who actually was courteous and kind.

I recently heard about a mother who decided to teach her children to give selflessly of themselves for no reason at all.  She did this by taking her children to the local florist and purchasing a dozen flowers for each of them.  She then took her children to the local store and stood outside the doors.   They were to hand out a flower to any person they wanted and to tell them to have a nice day.  24 people that day were touched by kindness and generosity and 2 children learned that this life isn't just about their own wants, needs, and desires.

Manners and simple common courtesy don't have to go to the extent of bowing and curtsying these days.  The simple action of holding a door open for someone, or for a man to give up his seat to a woman, or to pull out a shopping cart at the grocery store for another person, or to smile at a person and hand them a flower and say "Have a nice day", can change someone's view for the day and quite possibly longer.

If we all spent a couple of minutes per day thinking about someone other than ourselves and performed a few simple acts of courtesy and kindness, our world would be a much nicer and more pleasant place to live.  What are you going to do to extend the hand of courtesy?

by: Christie Bielss