Perfume Encounters

I like going to the big department stores and walking around looking at the latest styles and accessories.  I usually prefer to go on a weekday morning because the sales staff isn't overrun with lots of customers and they're happy to wait on you, although it can sometimes be a bit overwhelming with all of the salespeople asking "can I help you".

Recently I had to depart from my normal morning shopping time and make a trip in the afternoon.  It had obviously been a very slow sales day at the store as I was again overwhelmed with all of the salespeople.  As I made my way to the makeup counter to pick up some lipstick, out of the blue I got hit with a walk-by-spraying.  I'm sure you've seen the lovely young ladies who ask if you'd like to try their  perfume and, before you can respond, you get sprayed.  That's exactly what happened to my little unsuspecting self on that day. 

As I was coughing and sneezing from the trigger-happy perfume bomber, she asked what I thought of the fragrance designed by What's-her-name, the infamous model/actress.  I told her I thought it was a most interesting combination.  With her interest peaked, I went on to explain that it was a richly blended concoction of eau-de-skunk and kid's gym clothes which had not been washed in nearly a year, with a little after-taste of what's been lurking at the back of your refrigerator that's grown into an alien life form.  The perfume sniper was quite deflated.

The whole experience reminded me of when my neighbor's Chihuahua got sprayed by a skunk.  The poor unsuspecting dog was doing his business in the backyard and was in a most compromising position when he got bushwhacked by Pepe Le Pew.  Lucky for the dog, our neighbors called and we had tomato juice and V8 juice and were able to neutralize the horrific stench.  I wasn't so lucky and I could've really used a V8 at that moment.

The sneezing fits I was experiencing from the perfume terrorist wouldn't stop, and nearly out of tissues, I headed out to my car and tried using hand sanitizing wipes to wipe down the saturated areas of skin and clothing.  Not even alcohol based wipes could get rid of the smell.  And, with the scent of the wipes mingling with the perfume, I now smelled like a New York taxi cab.  I gave up and started driving home.  I had barely pulled out of the parking lot when a green cloud engulfed the interior of my car.  It became so thick I was forced to roll down the car windows to be able to breathe, which had unintended positive results.  The whole way home, through horrible road construction and rush hour traffic, I didn't have a single car tailgate me....... matter of fact, they all seemed to give me a very wide berth that day. 


by: Christie Bielss

The Dinner Party

Today while waiting for my son to get out from choir rehearsal, I spent a few minutes talking with a friend. She was telling me how her husband had invited clients  to their home for dinner and it was the first time she had to do a "formal" dinner. It took me back to the first dinner party I'd had to do for my husband.

We lived in Little Rock, AR (technically Maumelle, AR) and my husband decided he wanted me to cook beef tenderloin. Knowing this was an expensive piece of meat and we were on a shoe-string budget, I got in the car and drove to the local Walmart located in Toad Suck, AR (yes, that is the name of the city) and got all the fixings for dinner.  I drove home and made the most beautiful, juicy beef tenderloin you'd ever seen with sides of homemade garlic mashed potatoes and fresh green beans.  A melt in your mouth dessert was also ready and waiting to finish off the perfect meal. 

My husband called to say they were running late, so I stuck the tenderloin in the oven to keep it warm until they called to say they were on their way.  Just before they pulled up to our home, I took that beautiful piece of meat out of the oven and laid it ever so gently on a cutting board.  I set my Lenox China serving platter next to it and proceeded to ever so carefully slice the meat and artistically display it on the tray. On the 3rd piece, and with the dog at my feet whining and drooling, a slice of steaming hot tenderloin slid off the fork I was using and before I could catch it, it landed smack dab on top of the dog!  The dog started yelping and took off running - with an EXPENSIVE cut of meat still stuck to her back. 

Hearing Mike's voice getting close to the door, I took off at a full run after the dog.  We needed that piece of meat or somebody wasn't eating!  Halfway across the kitchen I was able to catch her back leg which caused the meat to fall off her back.  I retrieved the juicy slice, which now had my dog's long hairs attached, before she tried to eat it .......and before they walked in. I ran to the kitchen sink and quickly picked and brushed all the dog hair off that slice of meat and served it for dinner. 

Everyone raved about how the meat was perfectly seasoned and cooked to perfection.  I thanked them and told them I had used a new seasoning.  Tears were brimming in my eyes as I tried to stifle my laughter. And the dog? She was fine - and her coat look quite lustrous and had just a hint of the perfume:  Eau de Beef Tenderloin.