Thursday, August 1, 2013

It Does WHAT?!!!!

When you have picked up a prescription from your doctor or pharmacy, have you ever read the package insert which lists all of the common, uncommon, and rare side effects?  Or maybe you haven't read the packaging, but you've watched one the many pharmaceutical company commercials and have heard the announcer reel off a list of the side effects.

side effects, side effects of, side effect

Last summer I came down with an infection which required a pretty hefty antibiotic.  I had no side effects with the first dose but, after the 2nd dose, my left eyelid started to do that little flutter-twitch which can be pretty annoying.  By the 3rd dose my eyelid was in a full fledged spasm/twitch that made me look like Popeye.  

As I was about to get upset about my squinched up eye, all of the sudden my right leg kicked outward like I was trying to punt a football, while my left arm spasmed up toward my face causing me to nearly punch myself out.  It was at this point that I thought to check what the side effects of this medication were.  Sure enough "muscle spasms" were listed as a common side effect.

I thought that to be a bit ambiguous considering I now looked like I had Tourette's syndrome (God bless anyone who has to deal with this syndrome on a daily basis)........... and sadly, I probably sounded a bit like the girl with Tourette's in the movie Deuce Bigalow with each uncontrolled spasm.  Thankfully I was home alone so my children didn't learn any new words.

I just took an antibiotic in June whose side effect left me a bit bewildered.  The side effects in order were:  constipation, nausea, diarrhea.....  Are they trying to tell me I should wear some "underwear armor" because after my stomach has expanded to the size of the Goodyear Blimp, I'm going to get some rather instanteous relief?

After these latest side effect episodes, I started actually listening to the pharmaceutical companies tv commercials just for the list of side effects.  I've found it rather surprising that some of the most bizarre side effects have been from some of the more common medicines.

If you're a smoker and are trying to kick the habit, your doctor might prescribe Chantix to help you.  One of the side effects is hallucinations.  So, you've got a smoker going through nicotine withdrawal who is having more mood swings than 10 women going through menopause, and you give them a medication which causes hallucinations......... you may want to go ahead and put the SWAT team on stand-by.

Or how about Viagra, the little blue pill for.....well.... um......  you know.  Anyway, this pill must've been manufactured by Willy Wonka's Oompah Loompahs as it can alter your vision to where everything you see is the color blue, just like the little obnoxious girl in the movie who chews the piece of gum and turns into a  gigantic blueberry.  Hopefully all Viagra turns blue is your vision.

One of my favorites was the commercial for Propecia, the hair loss/baldness drug.  It causes gynecomastia.  I had never heard of that condition and just had to Google it to find out.  Gynecomastia is a condition which causes men to grow fully functional mammory glands that actually lactate.  That's right!  Your man can grow hair to cover up that bald spot, as well a fully functioning pair of boobs to nurse your baby with!  Can't afford a wet nurse for that new baby?  Get your significant other on some Propecia and you can trade off breastfeeding the baby so you each can get a full night's rest.

But the beat all, end all drug side effect that has made me cringe and laugh at the same time was for an antibiotic.  Ok, so you go to your doctor and discover you have a respiratory infection and he prescribes you this medication to clear it up.  One morning, several days into taking the medication, you wake up and roll over to say good morning to your spouse only to scare the beejeevies out them because you now have a tongue that's a cross between looking like a Chow and an alien.

Yep!  This one medication which is supposed to cure your respiratory infection has now caused you to get a black, hairy tongue.  But don't worry, the pharmaceutical company says.  When you complete your 14 day dose of the medication, with some regular tongue brushing, the hairs will eventually fall out and your tongue will return to a normal pinkish color.

So, until the hairs fall out, do you part those tongue hairs in the middle or on the side?  Should you use a conditioner to prevent tangles?  Or maybe you could wax your tongue and get rid of all the hairs........ of course, that might be akin to sticking your tongue on a metal pole in the dead of winter...... never a good idea.

All of these drugs have passed the F.D.A.'s rigorous and intensive scrutiny and the F.D.A. has deemed these side effects to be within acceptable limits and guidelines.  Kind of makes you wonder what the side effects are of the drugs that didn't pass and have been denied............

by: Christie Bielss

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